Paradigm Shift

…Happy

… Happy, really are you kidding me? What does that even mean?

The more I look into this vague word, the more I learn this answer is different for everyone.

Money, fame, etc, and so on. but, is that happy?

The more I think about it the more tired I get. The more anxiety grabs hold and won’t let go. Is happy supposed to be elusive? HA! It is or is it?

Another thing I’m learning is that it depends on your point of view. What you see your world is, determines your attitude to it. That sounds like a quote doesn’t it? I googled it and could not really find an owner so if you find one let me know otherwise, “I claim this quote for the planet Mars!” or wait that’s Marvin the Martian.

But, the quote is true. If you see your day is bad, it’s very likely it will be. If you see your day slipping and you slip with it, you will go cascading down the spiral mudslide like Kathleen Turner and Michael Douglas. At the end, one thought it was a good ride and the other was traumatized. It is all .. .really all in how you look at it.

I read a devotion this morning about a woman who lost her house to a fire. Life-changing yes, traumatic yes sir! But, it was a positive experience for her. She saw it as freeing. A change to start again. I AM NOT THAT BRAVE!

Or, am I ? I look back at the experiences in my life and although I did wallow in some circumstances, I did not wallow in all. In fact, in the end, I did not wallow in any. I picked myself up, or was pulled up, or pulled kicking and screaming but, I did it.

None of it was easy. But, anything in life worth doing is never easy, (I know that one is a quote).

Oh right, a point! I knew I had one!

What was it? Life is what you make it? No, that’s not it? Life is how you see it? Maybe, that was it?

Honestly, life is what you think plus what you see divided by reality. What you see plus what you think divided by what is actually there gives you life. That sounds like a good place to start. What about what you feel? And, how about what you do? It gets all jumbled, doesn’t it?

How about happiness in life is what you feel plus how you look at the situations in that life. Rather than trying to complicate it with all the outside forces how about, we figure happy as to how I feel and what I see? And, then we realize that the feeling of happy is specific to us at this second on this planet.

Meaning that happy is not universal, and there is no one size fits all. I think that we are on to something with it. Happy is a very very personal thing. I don’t think you could ever really share your version of happy with anyone else. I think we should enjoy our version of happy anyway we can take it. Maybe it’s a brief second of a sunrise, a cup of really good tea (ok, coffee), or the purr of a cat, a yip of a dog and anything in between.

You find your happy and enjoy it, I know i’m going to enjoy mine. May you have several happy’s today!!

PS Grammarly wanted to change my happy to happiness, I don’t think that is right I want one instance of happy to enjoy at a time, so I know that it IS happiness. Then I can move on the more than one happiness of life!!

Paradigm Shift, Really, Did I just go there? Yup, I did!

Your opinion could be right….

I saw a cartoon in the paper the other day that had an old man labeled 2021 walking out and a baby in a whirlwind trying to hang on. The caption said something to the effect of “hang on kid”. It was in the KC Star, probably on a political page. One thing I did in 2021 is get a print subscription to the paper. It is pretty expensive, but it is very worth it. It would pay for itself if I used the coupons which is what I intended to do, one of the many reasons I started taking the paper. Another reason was to try and get a full snapshot of what is going on.

So many times we watch the news and read the paper and we forget that these programs are the viewpoints of others. When someone is reporting the news they are doing it through the lens of their life. Their viewpoint. We all need to remember, that the viewpoint being offered might not be the one we really want with that being said, here is the following.

I have agreed with Anderson Cooper, with Tucker Carlson, with Abraham Lincoln, with Stonewall Jackson, with Maya Angelou (I tend to agree with her more than anyone except Pope Benedict), and so on. The point is that not every person is completely evil, nor are people completely good. We are all fallible human beings, prone to utter things based on things we have learned in our lives.

No, I do believe there is evil in this world, and I believe there are wonderful people too. I think the choices you make are evil or good, not you, yourself. So what is the point of this? Simple, our viewpoint is based on our life experience. If you find someone who has a different viewpoint than you do, you should ask them why they believe the way they do, and then actually sit and listen. More than likely if you had the life that person had, you would believe the way they do. But, you haven’t, true. You could also respect that person’s life.

So many times in this world we sit back and down others saying that they are wrong. Which they are wrong, from our point of view. Also, you are wrong from their point of view. That does not mean that you cannot listen and glean something from what they feel is true. You just have to want to. Most of us don’t. I don’t either most of the time if I’m honest. I like being right, I like having the knowledge, it feels well powerful. It really doesn’t mean I’m powerful it just means I know a lot. To all those I’ve acted superior to, I dreadfully apologize, and I concede you are right.

Maybe that is the point, to grow and understand. To realize that your viewpoint is not really the right one, maybe there is no right one. Maybe it is only an opinion with what is right, right now. Tomorrow with new information it might change. It makes me scratch my head and sit back bewildered asking “Are you kidding me?”

Maybe I do need to go to law school …lol

Uncategorized

..And that is that

Okay term over, or it has been since the end of October. Also, something very interesting. I got a couple of comments that I spelled nieve wrong. Thanks! Now, if I could only find the post so I could fix it! (but, I promise I have turned on Grammarly)

I did start a new book, not reading it but writing it. I am only a few chapters in and it’s interesting material. As soon as I am sure I know where I am going I will post an excerpt or two.

Now that Christmas is over, it’s time to pack away all those things that are associated with it. I am a bit sad because there are things that I really liked seeing and using. But, I suppose putting them up for another year gives me the space for new decorations. I just hope they do not get misplaced like a bunch of my christmas decorations did last year. I still don’t know where they are! I cannot be the only person that has happened to!

Oh right back to the topic, so what’s next. I think everyone has asked me that, and I’m really not sure. There really is law school or a master’s degree in archival studies.

But, for now, I’m really going to rest and enjoy just being. It took me about 7 years to get my BA. I think I will finish the year reading and relaxing with the grandson. Maybe plotting something new, you never know!!

Uncategorized

I really am a wonderful writer, I promise!

You know there are a lot of things that I do not excel at but, there are a few I do. Math, i’m really wonderful at and I get it but, I really don’t like it. I don’t like the exactness of it. I like rough edges. I am for lack of a better word in love with words.

I love writing, I adore phrases that speak to my bone marrow. I love reading and watching stories play out so I can adapt them for myself. Taking nuggets like this one from Penny Dreadful, “A endless ribbon of words” I LOVE that. But, it being something that I adore, and that helps define me I don’t do it often. I do not write much. For the last few years I have only written for school. Mind you I enjoyed it and the feedback.

It made me a stronger writer. It also helped me understand that I have to convey my thoughts fully for someone to “get it”. Making well developed ideas is something that I sometimes lack. I think anyone who knows me says that sometimes I start in the middle. Well, like some stories that is where things get interesting. Then after you get one point across you can go back and do prequels!

Yet I digress, the point of this post was my apologies for not writing as much as I could. I get so caught up in other things that I don’t even think about it. And, I honestly miss it. I miss writing about life. So, I am going to start trying to write it again. More often, and more indepth. I’m also going to work on my book as soon as my term is over (I can hear Ardath cheer) lol…

My book you ask? It’s something I started a few years ago for an english class. if you are a member of my Jannis Elizabeth Piersee group on facebook you can find it there someplace (grins). But, it’s time to dust it off and get going with the plot while I can still remember what it was! I ‘ll post some teasers on this blog and etc and so on ;/!

Much ❤

Paradigm Shift, Really, Did I just go there? Yup, I did!

And she grew

I looked out on my days, and saw that their were many. Many different kinds of days, some good some bad. But they were pretty even in distribution of good and bad. So why is it I recall more of the bad things than the countless good ones?

I think as a race humans focus on what stops us, what we trip on and those things that constantly get us down. Those things that keep us from enjoying the wonderful things around us. We literally say “Stop this is bad , now wallow in it” rather than the “Omg that’s bad get it away from me”. We want to understand where we went wrong, or were wronged so we can not feel that way again.

A lot of the time though, we get caught in that “wrong” we forget to learn. We sit down on the stump of pain and refuse to get up because we are afraid the next feeling or situation will be worse than this stump, and this stump did not kill us so why should we move? You don’t feel that way? It’s just me? Are you kidding me, come on you know you feel this way too.

It’s hard to get up, get over, crawl our of that disgusting pit of pain and heartache, but now that you know heartache, pain and the like you will seriously treasure and savor all the good relationships that come your way. You will hold on a bit tighter to those you have, those feelings you have , well as long as you let the pain and suffering go.

Pain and suffering are meant to teach us what NOT to do. They are only supposed to be felt BRIEFLY , not forever. I so miss this sometimes. I get down there and figure there is nothing else, no one else, and that life can never get better. But, I have a bunch of people and family around me who remind me just how wonderful life really is.

Lesson: Let pain be something temporary and small and something grasped then dropped, not something clung to as it is life.

Someday I’ll be a grown up, just not today =^.^=

COVID-19, Paradigm Shift, Really, Did I just go there? Yup, I did!

Bat Cap Crazy

I had a dream last night where someone I admired called me Bat Cap Crazy. I woke up with this unsettling notion about myself and, have been thinking about it ever since.

Am I crazy? Should I go get tested? The more I think about it the more I realize i’m not like anyone else, i’m quite unique. I think and understand things on a whole new level. Most of the time people i’m close to get me. (Or they love me enough to pretend that they do <3)

Others do not. And, I am beginning to understand today that, that notion is not about me. What it really is about is them. They do not have the mental space, are tired, or generally don’t care about “getting me”. And, that is very much okay. Because, I realize that there are eons of people in the world that i’m that way about. Doesn’t mean they are nuts. or weird, it just means I don’t have the strength to get them at this point.

Maybe next year i’ll have the mental space to “get” them and them me. But, right now I think we are still trying to hang on to life with cat claws. I read what I wrote about the virus last year, omg that was wishful thinking. All the people who have gotten sick my heart and bones bleed for them. I had serious delusions of grander, but that is okay a lot of people did. A lot of people hoped for the best and had the rug yanked out from under them. It will be okay, even if it’s not okay.

In conclusion I think we are all bat cap crazy at least once a day 😉

COVID-19, Paradigm Shift

2020 it!

This is my newest four letter word. And it beats the f— word with a brick and a grenade launcher.

This year started off with me being confined home, which I
did loyally for the first three months. I went no where, talked to no one really and did nothing. Then My uncle Raymond passed, and a week later my aunt Pauline. Suffer no illusion I love these two with all my heart. I had become distant in the last few years because the ache was too much to bear. I thought if I pushed myself away that the loss would be easier. I had been telling myself this since my Grand Mother (Great Grandma) died in 1997. Put distance between them and me good idea right? Wrong, but I digress.

The last of June I decided to go see my mother in law for a few days, she had been my mom longer than my mother was my mom, so I think we were kinda tight. On the way to see her I fell down the stairs, I mean I fell. My back was bruised black purple for a month, my tailbone hurt like crazy and it’s still swollen (it’s december ffs) but, it’s not getting worse and there is nothing that can be done so, I endure.

That brings me to September, David got Covid, I mean he was sick, not hospital sick but sick, I took care of him, and worked at the same time, and by some miracle he was the only one who got sick, and it only lasted a week about the average of a flu. Good right, I thought the worst was quite over, yea tempting fate you know?

In the last of November, my uncle fell, gashed his head, went to the hospital for stitches turns out he had Covid and he did not make it. Yes I loved that man he meant the world to me. He was the closest thing to my mother. He used to tell me stories about her, I didn’t see him as often as I should trying to shield myself from pain like an idiot. It didn’t work I hurt, oh my God did I hurt, it still hurts. During this fiasco my mother in law went in for a bypass. She never came out.

That is devastating, I’m taking a week off work and trying to get myself together. Lord it is not easy, it hurts. I have kept all this pain to myself and talked to VERY VERY few. One of my best friends called me today and made me realize this is a dragon I do not have to slay myself. I am sad, hurt, but really i’m okay. I know i’m going to make it. The only way to the other side is through….

To the people whom I have really not reached out to reading this i’m sorry. I did not want to bug, or over whelm. No, if it was reversed I would not have though that about you, but this is me it’s different right?

I keep coming to Dr Angelou…. Still…. I …. Rise

so my newest cursing/cuss word is 2020!

Books

The Guest List By Lucy Foley

This book is gripping. Rather than being organized on a timeline, it is organized at the murder then moves backwards and then forwards. It might sound difficult to keep up with but, the writer does a superb job keeping it all together. And, yes it is a nail biter, and twists you could not see coming.

It’s a book of divine personal justice, for everyone attached to the plot. Before it is over everyone is changed, scarred as it were for life. The one thing is all but one, makes it out alive.

Secrets, all the characters seem to have too many. Most held because of shame some because of greed. It is a book that will grip you and have you reading its contents in one sitting!

Image courtesy : amazon.com

Book Publisher: William Marrow 2020 Lost and Found Books LTD

Basic’s, My Favorite Things

Finally it is fall…

I am not talking about pumpkin spice, oh no. I am talking about window open while cuddling under a electric blanket while reading your latest novel, magazine or even watching TikTok or whatever your vice might be.

I love this time of year it’s one where things start to quiet down and everything turns yellow, orange and red. A time to pause before things get nuts with holiday’s. Lately everything I have been reading, seeing and alerted too tell me to take care of myself. I mean everything.

So I suppose I really have to look into this and what it means to me. I really have no freaking idea how to take care of myself other than trusting my instincts, but i’m sure i’ll muddle though and be better for it. Got any ideas? Drop a line and let me know!

Paradigm Shift, Really, Did I just go there? Yup, I did!

Outta my way!

How many times do you get in the own way of your happiness? How about how many times to your trip yourself up on the things you over analyze? Or, then there is kneecapping yourself because you are afraid of what might be around the corner so you don’t even attempt to go around the corner?

As I get closer to my birthday, the more I think about where I wanted to go that I have never been. Last year I put out a list, and because of world events, I didn’t get anywhere. I have gotten a bit healthier, and I have taken better care of my mental health but I see so many places I can approve. Then I stop myself.

Who said I have to be perfect? Who said I have to know where I am going? Isn’t half the fun getting there? Why am I putting myself in a box to where I have to be specific. Why in the wide world can I not be my own mess and be okay with that? As long as I am healthy and reasonably happy isn’t that what the goal of life is? To be as good as you can be? To strive for better BUT! not to overwhelm yourself to the point that you are only concerned with being perfect and you miss how wonderful you are as an individual.

Those things that make me think and wonder why in the H E double LL I do this to myself.

Bleh, time for a plot twist and a paradigm shift!