Paradigm Shift, Uncategorized

The power of words

The power of words is amazing. But, more amazing than the power of words, is that pull, that draws to write them. I have been off school for 4 weeks, and I am having a meltdown. I see things every day that I say, I HAVE TO BLOG THAT! But, because I do not want to come off any weirder than I am presently so I don’t write them. I stuff them in my head in an area labeled, ” Don’t even THINK about posting that”.  Well, you only live once, so I believe you might see me post a bit more. My last post was in September, pathetic!! How will I ever gain millions of followers? Not like that assuredly.

I’ve read blogs, and so many things can make it successful. First, it has to SPEAK to someone. It has to have something meaningful and deep to say. ANYONE, who knows me knows this is something I can do. I have a talent, curse, ability to listen to a conversation and then jump in with a thought that takes it down four rabbit holes, 2 moles holes, and 5 pastures. Usually, sometimes, well I think it’s a valid point and, for some reason, it has to be heard.

Anyone who has been around me any length of time knows that I sometimes overshare. It’s not that I have an innate need to be accepted or liked, or even understood. It is that simply that part of my soul has thrown down a gauntlet and pushed that small ribbon of words out of my mouth. Usually, it is because I think someone else might feel the way I do, but won’t say it? No? Um, I think that the point is valid and might make deep meaningful conversation? No? Ok, okay, the truth is I just feel and it flies out of my mouth. Where does that leave you and me? I have no idea we will see if I put my best foot forward and actually post more.

 

Much <3,

 

 

Really, Did I just go there? Yup, I did!

You made that decision…

Let me tell you the situation. Just… let me TELL you! I was having a hard day, things were starting to close in and I was feeling just a little bit, stressed. I was driving in my car, listening to the plight of the teenager, and how difficult life is for them. I was listening to how school is hard, and how relationships are trying.

-insert eye twitch-

I began to tell said nameless teenage daughter who will remain nameless, that I too have school and I am going to school with student loans. Said nameless child said these words to me, “You made that choice.”

-insert blink-

I would like to say that it ended there, nope it continued. “You made the choice to wait until your kids were grown to go to school . . .”, she continued however I could not. My mind was reeling. “Are You Kidding Me?”. Well, that really was not what I was thinking but I am trying to refrain from using profanity, as one other daughter has expressed she does not like that type of language. Anywho, back to the matter at hand.

I took about five breaths before speaking. For the simple fact that I was prepared to channel my mother and knock said nameless child though her next three lifetimes, but be proud, I did not. I just sat there and thought. And, answered that question. “Yes, I did!” I did put my education and everything that I wanted to accomplish as a adult on hold for my kids.

I guess what got me was that those 4 words felt like a punch to my soul. It felt like , “You didn’t have to”, “No one asked you to”, you get the idea. And, she was right. No, I did not have to do what I did, but I did. Sure this child and I had a long Come to Jesus, talk about why she said what she did, and how it made me feel. And, how what I said made her feel and why I said what I did. Because, it seems that what I had said to her made her feel like she was unimportant.

We both ended up coming away with a better perspective of how the other felt. Our communication is a lot better after this incident. We still have screaming matches, we still bicker, we are WAY too much alike for everything to be hunky dory 24/7, but we are friends, now. It’s a work in progress to make friends with your adult children of whom I have three. It’s not easy and, even when they are adults you still feel like you fail them everyday, but it’s so worth it.

My mom always told me, I cannot be your friend I’m your mom. While I get why she said this, I have never agreed with it. Your best friends, those who really care for you, are the first ones to pull out the mother attitude and tell you about yourself. They are the ones who care about you enough to tell you the truth when no one else will. I love friends like these. Do you?