Boy is that title the truth. I write blog posts every day, in my head. I am constantly talking to myself about everything I see. Sometimes, It dribbles like syrup out loud and people wonder about my sanity. Well, just because I am totally and completley honest, I worry about my sanity too. Okay, that’s a lie. I am crazy, but it’s the type that you love to see. That type of crazy that shows passion, love, like, and everything in between.
Being oneself, you get to learn as the decades slip by like an endless silk ribbon, that your Uniqueness is different, different is weird, weird is crazy, see where I’m going? Aren’t you glad you stayed? Yeah okay, that was a short trip. But, in all honesty, we are all a bit crazy. As long as we know this about ourselves and can still function as a pretty good member of society we’re okay. At least I tell myself that in our weekly staff meeting.
All kidding aside, I am learning as I approach my fifth decade around the sun, that who I believe I am is the most important. The things that I hold dear are my causes, and those people I hold close are my pillars. I have been on a pilgrimage of sorts for the last few months. I wanted to find out who I really am. I have backspaced, corrected, resaid, restated, and rethought. Oi I’m tired! And, what I found was astonishing.
I am new every day. Every day I get to be a new version of myself. I get to weigh yesterday and figure out what I am going to take with me, and what I am not. I get to put in figurative storage boxes, all the pain I’ve ever had and throw it into the abyss of I’m never going back there. Again that is an oversimplification.
Forgiveness is hard, if it is yourself or someone else it’s powerfully hard. Some say it’s impossible, it’s not that it’s just you are not ready to let the pain go. Usually, it is because you think if you do let it go and forgive someone, then they have gotten away with it. Let me tell you this, that person already got away with it. You are only keeping a hold of your pain if you don’t let it go. They don’t care or even in some cases know or understand the pain you feel. Sometimes they are narcissists, other times they didn’t honestly understand. And, those people if they did understand would apologize all over themselves. We generally as people think the worst of people, rather than the best. Maybe we should change that thinking.
Nope not kidding you, or me, we do. Sure this is the high road, but isn’t that the point? To not be weighed down with things that make us miserable. It’s astonishing to think about how hard we will hang on to pain and be miserable rather than to let it go and see about happiness. Sure there is the argument what if the next pain is worse? So you want that pain on top of what you have already? Nah, let’s not. But, i’ve digressed.
Whole point of this is I talk to all of you everyday, I just have to make time to sit down and write it all out! And, the forgiveness thing? Something I struggle with that I want to get over. I’m not malicious or anything with it. I just hurt and forget that I have to let it go. I think it ‘s my trial in life, but it’s not. I get to be happy, and enjoy it. If I could ever get out of my own way!!!
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