What Facebook Made Me Realize.

I am a creature of habit, I kid you not! Facebook proves it. Let me expound on that. I write, journal, email, tell my story to a lot of people. I tell it and forget what I have said to who, when. But, I have told Facebook how I feel, and it stamps the date and time, and it remembers (why oh why!). You know the prompts, “what is on your mind”. Well, I have answered those in years past, then they come up again. And, I see the feelings I’m having aren’t new. They follow a pattern. Certain times a year I’m about reflecting and learning, others I feel stuck, still others I feel sad and lost.

And, every year, despite it all I feel the same way on about the same day. My mind is blown. Really blown. I never thought, I did the same things in almost the same way for years and years. When it comes to Facebook now, I’m very quiet. With each memory that pops up I feel convicted. You, did that last year, UGH! I get frustrated, and then I begin plotting my change. I’m going to do this and that, then this and that. Hogwash. I’m 50 people. FIFTY! This has to stop.

I’m done with the rules of man, and the steps I’ve taken before. I’m tired of repeating and rehashing everything in looking for meaning. Richard Young said, “It’s okay if it doesn’t make sense”. See Richard Young is the pastor of the church I go to. Now I have gone to this church for a long time, and have repeated the same patterns, till this year.

After my birthday when I started feeling I needed to pull back and stop doing things, I didn’t. I stepped forward, with a big toe. I’m getting there THANK GOD. One step followed by another and then another. I’ve broken the chain of silence, when something is wrong I’m starting to speak up and rely on those beautiful people around me to help hold me up. Am I always successful, absoletely not. Am I making some kind of progress to the life I want to lead, ABSO FREAKING LUTLEY!

Just a note, not everyone I am talking about is a Church goer, some of them I have no idea what they believe. But, God put them in my path to hold me up and they are doing a fabulous job, of loving me right where I am. I just pray I’m as good of a friend to them as they are to me.