..just imagine it, well I can. I am not kidding you!
I have screwed up more than I can forgive myself for, even if everyone I have wronged has forgiven me. I am someone’s villain, it’s a fact I accept. I cannot make everyone happy even though i thought i lived a good chunk of my life as a people pleaser, i really was just a scared fence sitter. I wouldn’t choose a side I’d sit there and wring my hands annoyingly while others would give me the best advice.
Now, I’m a little different, I accept that my decisions were not the best, that I could have done better but, I just had to do it my way. I had to choose the most difficult path because I had to prove it could be done. What an idiot I was!
Now I see people doing the same thing for the same reason I do and I sit back and watch a kindred spirit put their own mark on life. I cheer them on, and encourage them to follow the same screwed up path I did. Why?
Because in this life you have to make it your own. Right , wrong, no clue? OWN it, make it the best mess, most beautiful disaster you can. In the end, no one is going to remember that one thing you screwed up, but they are going to remember how you reacted to it. So all my victims, I apologize for scaring you, you did not deserve it, I should never have done it! Yet, here we are. I hope you are okay, I hope you were able to move past the pain and heartache.
But, I have a choice, i can keep living my life in a circle never changing, fretting over the same mistakes forever, OR i could make a different decision and take off in a new messed up direction. I like the idea of new and something else, so let us do that
I have spent a good chuck being the self sacrificing little lamb when I was not, I was just as scared up and making the wrong choices as everyone else in life. I’m tired of being this kinda of crazy I’m up for a new kinda crazy,
Much ❤ me
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